Beating the Bookies: Week 5

A return to normality for the NFL after the craziness of week 4, and with it a solid 2/3 games called correctly, plus over half the spread. It’ll take a lot more of that to get me back to respectability (and profit).

Week 4:

Outright: 11/15

Spread: 8/15

SFBOTW: 1/1

Season:

Outright: 34/63

Spread: 31/63

SFBOTW: 2/4

Cardinals @ Rams +1

This game will be hairier than Jeff's mustache. Could go either way as the Rams have been a force at home. 

Cardinals -1 

Dolphins @ Bengals -4

Cincy have been pretty predictable so far and I can't see them slipping up at home to poor opposition. However a weakened secondary could struggle vs NFL leading receiver Brian Hartline (yep, you heard it right).

Bengals -4 

This scrappy route runner has a high motor and his intangibles are off the charts. 

Packers @ Colts +7

GB should win, but I like the Colts to run them close in an emotional game for the home side.

Colts +7 (Packers to win)

Ravens @ Chiefs +5

Baltimore should soar past the Chiefs. If you are routed by Philip Rivers you should probably just give up and apply for membership in the LFL.

I wish we lived in ancient Sparta

Ravens -5 SFBOTW

Browns @ Giants -9.5

This one could get uglier than a baby Manning. It's a big spread though, and given how close they pushed the Ravens I'll take the points.

Browns +9.5 (Giants to win)

Eagles @ Steelers -3.5

The Eagles have not travelled well so far, and a trip to the Steel City against a rested up Pittsburgh is the stuff nightmares are made of.

Steelers -3.5

Falcons @ Redskins +3

You have to like Atlanta to beat the Skins even though they've both been playing well. 3 points is not a lot in a game that should light up the scoreboard.

Falcons -3

Seahawks @ Panthers -3

Is there some magic voodoo juice in the drinking water in Seattle? A team that was dominated two good teams at home turns into a shivering wreck when made to play away. Unfortunately for the Hawks both those losses were divisional, and I can't see the record getting changed here.

Panthers -3

Bears @ Jaguars +6

Such backward franchises. Planking was so 2011. 

Not a very big spread considering the way these two teams played last week. I have big question marks over Chicago this year, but less than a TD vs the Jags? Come on now...

Bears -6

Titans @ Vikings -6

The Vikings will win this football game, but I'm not wholly convinced they'll win it by 6 points. Still, I'd go with Ponder and AP over Hasslebeck and CJ.

Vikings -6

Broncos @ Patriots -6.5

Manning vs Brady in a game that definitely won't settle the which overrated QB is the best debate. Still, it should be fun to watch. I hope they both get sacked 10 times. 

Broncos +6.5 (Patriots to win)

Two very different masturbation techniques.

Bills @ 49ers -9.5

It's a large spread, and it should be. The Bills are going to get steamrollered. I feel quite confident the Niners will beat them by two scores.

One time Charger, long time man-crush.

49ers -9.5

Chargers @ Saints -3.5

Yep, I'll take the spread when a 3-1 team plays a 4-0 team and still has the handicap. The Saints aren't nearly as bad as their record suggests so it should be a close one.

Chargers +3.5 (and to win)

Texans @ Jets +9

Houston's running game is going to ride rough-shod over a Jets' team well and truley on the rocks. First Revis, now Holmes. Fuck it, may as well jump everyone to it by a week: 

"Teeeeeeboooowww. Teeeeeeeeeeebooowww. Teeeebbbooowwwww." Only you can save this team from a pathetic losing season. They'll still lose with him, but at least they'll have the moral high ground. 

Texans -9

He'll save your souls but not your football team.

*All odds accurate as of 03/10/2012 via Yahoo's 'Sportacular' App.*